Episode 97: cultivating confident confidence

Unshakable Confidence: The Superpower Every Woman in Business Needs

As brilliant, accomplished women, we've likely all experienced the rollercoaster of self-confidence. One day we're on top of the world after a big win, the next we're drowning in imposter syndrome despite a long list of achievements.

Why is unshakable confidence so elusive? The truth is, confidence isn't a trophy you earn once and keep forever. It's a daily choice and practice.

The good news? You can actively build confidence like a muscle to weather the natural ups and downs of being a woman in business. Here's how:

Debunk the Myth That Achievements Equal Confidence

First, release the false belief that accomplishments automatically create confidence. We tend to constantly move the goalposts on our own success. Once we reach a goal, we immediately set a higher bar.

We also discount our wins as "luck" or good timing, rather than owning our role in making them happen. No more downplaying! To build real confidence, start internalizing your growth.

Create Your "Brag Book"

After each milestone, take five minutes to write down the specific qualities and skills you used to succeed. Did you tap into creativity, tenacity, emotional intelligence?

Identifying and naming your inner resources builds an unshakable knowing that you have what it takes. Confidence comes from appreciating your own magic!

Coach Yourself Through Lows

Doubts and low points are inevitable. To coach yourself through, first remember: you would not have the dream if you didn't have what's needed to achieve it. Your aspirations are a calling from your soul.

When fear arises, ask yourself "What would I do next if I absolutely knew I could not fail?" Then take imperfect aligned action. Forward motion, even when messy, rebuilds lost momentum.

Step Into Your 2.0 Energy

Channel your inner Sasha Fierce - the 2.0 version of you who's already achieved everything you desire and more. This isn't some far-off future self, but the part of you NOW that fully owns all you are.

Embody her boldness in the face of challenges. Return to this energy whenever you need to get out of your own way and back into confident flow.

You ALREADY have everything required to achieve your wildest dreams. Practice confident confidence from the inside out and watch your external reality align.

Thanks for tuning in to another episode of Collab with Kiva.
See you next time!

Are you ready to unlock your potential and create positive change? Let’s chat 👇🏽

Podcast Transcript:

Kiva Slade 0:02

Welcome to Collab with Kiva leveling up your life one episode at a time. I'm your host, Kiva, Slade, your personal guide to unlocking your potential and reaching your biggest goals. Through coaching, insights and mindset shifts, you'll gain insights to transform how you think, feel and approach challenges, so you can live more purposefully and reach your biggest visions. I'll bring a splash of sassy, real talk. Expect inspiring conversations and practical takeaways you can apply to be more purposeful, empowered and resilient in your daily life. So let's dive in and start expanding what's possible.

Hello, hello. Hello. Welcome back to another episode of Collab with Kiva. I am your host, Kiva Slade, and today we are diving into a topic that, quite honestly is near and dear to my heart. It's really about cultivating Unshakable Confidence. And I often think that as women, we know the jokes about what would Chad do, we do lack that unshakable confidence, despite so many things telling us otherwise. So I call it confident confidence. Because I just see so many brilliant, accomplished women still struggling with yo yoing self esteem. I raised my hand, I'm one of those as well. And we go from like, one day feeling like we are on top of the world. You know, and then like, we nail something, we've done something awesome. And then the next moment we're drowning in imposter syndrome, or whatever you'd like to call it, despite, like a mile long list of our accolades. I know I'm not alone, right.

So I'm hoping you're nodding with me, you're picking up what I'm putting down. But seriously, why don't we have that unshakable confidence? You know, and I think the thing that we need to keep in mind is that confidence, it's not a trophy, like you don't earn it once and get to keep it forever. No one is still, you know, relishing the trophy of first place. And though fill in the blank from 50 years ago, confidence is a practice, it's a muscle, it's a choice, we get to make each and every single day, and sometimes multiple times within that day. But the beautiful thing is, we can actively build our confidence in a way that helps us weather those natural ups and downs of just being a woman being a woman in business, living on this earth, there's going to be moments, and it's how do we get through those moments that helps deepen that muscle building that we're doing. So let's first just get out the way I feel like this myth around. Because we've had accomplishments that automatically leads to us being confident, right, or having confidence. It doesn't matter. I feel like how many times you've achieved something incredible. You've like, you know, done X, Y and Z, what tends to happen is we move the goalposts, you know, so we moved it, like, Oh, if I accomplish X when we get to x, and then we like, well, if I accomplish x plus y, so we move the goalposts on ourselves. But what also happens is we have a tendency to discount our success. Oh, it was luck. Oh, you were in the right place at the right time, oh, such and such opened the door for you. Even if someone opened the door for you, you had to have what it takes to walk through the door and execute on whatever it was. So it's not enough that someone opened the door. You were skilled, you were qualified, you had all that you need it once that door was opened. So we move goalposts and we discount our success. So it's no wonder, okay, if we're honest, that we're often like lacking in confidence, confidence. So it really does though come down to how do we internalize our own wins. It's like the difference between intellectually kind of like acknowledging that achievement, I have completed this, I have made this my business past this, whatever, but also deeply, like embodying the growth, that that accomplishment and attaining it represented. Because there's goal setting, then there's goal attainment, we set a goal, but then we attain the goal in in the attaining of The goal is where there's growth. And the growth is the thing. That when we're really honest, is what helps us weather the ups and downs. When we're feeling like, Ah, I don't know if I can do that.

So a powerful way to kind of again, debunk this myth is spend five minutes after a win, just free writing, what are the qualities and skills you use to create that result? What did you do? Did you tap into your creativity, your tenacity, your emotional intelligence, your visionary thinking, I like to say create your own brag book, write down those wins, write down what you grew, how you grew, write down your takeaways in those moments, not after you've moved the goalposts right, then in there, obviously, where possible, if you're up on stage, accepting an award, I do not want you to take five minutes, and write it down. When you get back to your seat, or when you get home and have a moment to reflect. But seriously, create your brag book of all of those things, those qualities, those skills that you have grown in, in the attainment of this goal, this accomplishment. So when you start identifying and naming those inner resources, that starts building an unshakable inner knowing understanding about you. And it's, again, that muscle building repetition, it lets you know that you have what it takes. Confidence is really less about applause from others. It's more about how do we appreciate our own unique magic, our special sauce, who we are, and what we bring to the table.

Another just element around cultivating confident confidence is learning how to coach yourself through the lows, those moments when doubt is going to come screaming and you just want to crawl under the covers we're not trying to do today. We were just gonna skip today. Those moments, and we all have them. So how do we coach ourselves through those moments? Obviously, you need to remember, you would not have the dream if you did not have what it takes to achieve it. And I really want you to take a moment to let that sit with you. You would not have the dream if you did not have what it takes to achieve it. Your aspirations, your dreams, these things that you want. They're not random. They're just not everyone gets the same ones. It's really your soul. What is your soul calling you towards this vision? What are you uniquely wired to make happen in your life and in the lives of others? What is it that lights you up? That when you wake up? And you're like, if I do this every day for the rest of my life, I would be so overjoyed. What are those things? And then when you have those things, and that doubt starts to descend, and you want to ask yourself, like all kinds of questions. I want you to think about this one. And if you have a moment, go write this down. What would I do next? If I absolutely knew I could not fail? What would I do next? If I absolutely knew I could not fail. Because what we have to give ourselves permission for is imperfect action. It's that forward motion, even when it's imperfect. That's how we rebuild momentum. That's how we keep going. I'm always talking about the laws of physics, an object in motion stays in motion until acted on by an outside force of whatever the rest of it is. You have to be in motion, though is the point. You cannot be sitting still in expect movement. So confidence isn't like that. absence of fear. It's like how do I take aligned action in the face of fear? Because let's realize that some of us have some amazing like how to visit world aspirations and dreams. And they're going to be scary. Because you may not have ever done something like that maybe there's no one in your family, no one in your circle, no one that you can talk to through some of this or people understand parts of it but not the whole. And there's not an example for you to follow after you might be trailblazing your own path. But in the midst of that trailblazing you're going to have fear. You're going to wonder what was that noise? It's quiet out here on the frontier.

Kiva Slade 9:57

Hey, and you want to know what that was. So having that ability to take aligned action in the face of fear, that's what did develops, and helps to deepen that muscle repetition that we're building in terms of confident confidence. So I want to leave you with one more coaching question. For those days, you know, when you're just really feeling kind of shaking, what would kiva 2.0? Do? Don't use my name, put yours in there. So what would your name 2.0? Do? This is that next level version of you? That's a woman who's inside you. She's achieved everything she's dreamed of more? How would she respond to the challenge? What bold action would she take? And I want to be clear here, when I talk about stepping into your 2.0, energy, eights, it's, it's a quick way to get out of your own way. And back into that confident flow. However, I am not talking about your future self. No, this is not some far away distance version of you. This is you right now. But it's you that owns who you already are. Okay, Beyonce, Sasha Fierce, you tapping into what's that alter ego that I need to be who owns all that I am right now. That's your 2.0. That's that version of you. Not some future self weighed down, you know, eons away, it's you, but that you who owns what you've have, what you've accomplished, what you've done, the knowledge and skills that you already possess. So I want you to know that I know that you've got this, okay. And I want you to keep coming back though to that unshakable inner knowing about you, because the more you practice confident confidence, okay, from the inside out, really, the more that external reality starts to align in. Things are like, oh, wait a minute, okay, I do have this. I was, I'm ready for this. I was born for this, I got this. I believe in myself, you have that self efficacy, that confidence, confident confidence, and which to take the necessary imperfect often steps forward to keep going in that right direction. So thanks for joining me today. I want you to take some moments with yourselves with those questions. And really ask yourself and create your brag book, because all of those things will definitely help serve you well as you continue on this journey. So I'll wait to talk to you next time. Bye. We just took another dose of vitamin Kiva. Thanks for joining me on this journey of self growth and potential. I appreciate all of you who listen, share your wins, and give me feedback. If you want to continue the conversation. You can find me on my website, the516collaborative.com or you can reach me on LinkedIn and until next time, keep taking steps in the right direction and believe in yourself. You've got this!

Meet Kiva Slade—founder and CEO of The 516 Collaborative. With a unique background spanning high-powered politics on Capitol Hill and homeschooling, Kiva found her true calling lies in guiding business owners and leaders.

Originally, her work focused on orchestrating operations and data behind the scenes. But after realizing that mindset was the missing link holding business owners back, Kiva became a coach. Now she blends data savvy with research-backed psychology to help clients transcend barriers and build the business of their dreams.