Episode 96: Living in the both/and

Permission Granted: Embrace the Both/And to End Draining Either/Or Thinking

Do you constantly feel torn choosing between opposing options in life? As if being a caring mom means you can't also be an driven entrepreneur? Or that enjoying rest today prevents hustling towards big visions tomorrow?

This restriction stems from binary either/or thinking that narrows our potential. The perceived choice feels depleting. Our culture applauds non-stop go-getting, so taking a pause elicits shame. But we need both working hard and restorative calm.

Rather than framing experiences as at odds, embrace the complexity of and. Give yourself permission to be ALL that you authentically are, not just what others expect.

Maybe you're building a business while working a day job. Or developing a new program while still serving current clientele. There's no rule saying you can't shape the future while honoring the past.

When we release ourselves from the torment of choosing one aspect over another, freedom flows in. By granting self-permission to live in the both/and sweet spot, we show up as our best, most alive selves.

The journey becomes the destination. We realize chasing the next brass ring doesn't guarantee happiness if we're unfulfilled now. As the saying goes, there is no arrival, only the path.

Walk your path with creative confidence by stepping fully into your power. You get to rewrite outdated rules and false dichotomies because you move your own goalposts. Give yourself permission and ending draining either/or thinking!

Thanks for tuning in to another episode of Collab with Kiva.
See you next time!

Are you ready to unlock your potential and create positive change? Let’s chat 👇🏽

Podcast Transcript:

Kiva Slade 0:02

Welcome to Collab with Kiva leveling up your life one episode at a time. I'm your host, Kiva, Slade, your personal guide to unlocking your potential and reaching your biggest goals. Through coaching, insights and mindset shifts, you'll gain insights to transform how you think, feel and approach challenges, so you can live more purposefully and reach your biggest visions. I'll bring a splash of sassy, real talk. Expect inspiring conversations and practical takeaways you can apply to be more purposeful, empowered and resilient in your daily life. So let's dive in and start expanding what's possible.

Kiva Slade 0:47

Welcome to another episode of Collab with Kiva. I'm your host Kiva, Slade. Today, I want to talk about living in the both/and living in the both/and lately with for, like the clients that I coach, and consult with and just conversations in general, there's such a focus on either/or, I can either do this, or I can do that. There's not enough focus on what it means to live in the both/and embracing a duality, that's also sometimes a paradox in our lives. Instead of feeling like we constantly have to choose between what feels like two opposing options. I get it. My clients, myself, my kids, everyone, we have tremendous pressure to be everything. To be a good mom, to be a good entrepreneur, to be a caring parent to be a driven leader, to be a wise mentor, to be a free spirit. I was having a conversation with my son, and he's in school, but also looking at graduation. What does that mean to be in school, and look for what your future is going to be? And it's such a space that often feels restrictive, and doesn't allow us to get away from that temptation to beat ourselves up. Like we can't seem to figure it all out, we can't seem to figure out how we're going to be both. And we're can't seem to figure out how we can choose between or feels like choosing between like, do I choose time for myself, or do I choose time for my business and family? Because, you know, do I choose to live in the moment while I'm in school? Or do I choose to focus on what it feels like when I'm going to be out of school. I want us to just stop for a moment and give ourselves permission to be all of who you are. What do I mean by that? Pursue your big visionary goals, and enjoy restorative quiet moments. Provide for your family and make space for yourself to have creative, creative renewal. Honor your relational commitments and foster new professional connections. And as I told my son, like, respect the space that you're in now, this learning this environment that is healthy and helpful, and think about how different opportunities can be maximized for your future. And if we spend all of the time like in the moment and not doing the next thing, which is looking towards our future, or we spend the time only looking for our future and not in the moment, there's so much that we miss along the journey. And at the end of the day, the journey is really what's most important, not the attainment of the goal.

Kiva Slade 4:30

And I really again, I want us to have give ourselves permission to live in both/and to experience both and don't beat yourself up for what you're feeling like you haven't done. Don't beat yourself up for like second guessing which option you should choose. Rather judge yourself for not doing any one thing perfect all the time. What a relief that would be right? Celebrate your ability to shape shift, like pour your heart into whatever facet needs your energy the most in that moment. How free would that feel? How liberating with that feel. And when it feels right flow back into all the other just beautiful aspects that make you who you are. Since the majority of my audience is women, daughters, sister, mother, partner, leader, coach, whatever that is, you are multi dimensional. Hold on to your multi dimensionality. You don't need to be only one thing ever. And I think as business owners, especially in this space, there's so much of define your niche, who is your audience, do this, do that, do do do should, should should. And really, we need to let that go.

Kiva Slade 6:12

Embrace the fact that you might be at a point where you are working part time and you are building your business, you are working full time and you are building your business. You are still serving people in this particular offer, and looking to develop a new offer for where your passions lie. You're doing the one to pay the bills to bring the money in to support your family to do whatever that is designed to do. While you still do this other thing on the side. In what universe does it say, hey, go pursue this only. And if and when it doesn't work out. Or if or when ha ha it doesn't work out then do something else. We have to have a plan, a backup plan and a backup to the backup. So if we allow ourselves give ourselves permission to live in the both/and, we can feel freedom in serving customers in offer A while developing offer B and thinking about offer C. We can also show up as our best self in that serving of A and then as our best self when we're doing in developing B. I want us all to step so much more fully into our power into the freedom that allows us to redefine those expectations, whether societal or self imposed. Most of the deadlines that we have, we arbitrarily put them on ourselves. That means we can move them now hallelujah, there's some freedom. There's so many false dichotomies out there. Like it's our lives, rewrite those outdated rules. Shape the future for yourself or your kids, for your kids, kids for whomever is to come behind us, while still honoring the wisdom from those who came before us.

Kiva Slade 8:50

Our mommas grew up you can bring home the bacon fry up in a pan and never let you forget that I'm a woman you know, like seriously, we had to go shop for the bacon bring the bacon home prepare the bacon and get all hot and sexy. Yeah, somebody Instacart can go get the bacon. Okay. And one of these kids, one of these adults one of these somebodies could cook the bacon up in the pan. Okay, and whatever y'all do for the other part is up to you. The bottom line though, as we don't have to still hold on to we need to be superwoman. We need to be Wonder Woman we need to be all of these things. Live in the both/and, sit with yourself and figure out what does that look like for you? What would honor you in that living in both/and and what do you need to do to give you yourself permission to do that.

Kiva Slade 10:05

If you don't feel you can give yourself permission, I'm giving it to you right now. I give you permission to live in the both/and. Ppermission to be all that you are. Permission to follow your inspiration where it leads you today. Even if that contradicts what you focused on yesterday, I want you to go forth, live boldly in that both/and sweet spot. There's so much freedom there. There's so much freedom there. And the sooner we can get into the freedom, and out of the restriction that is either/or we enable ourselves to show up as our best self, to understand the messiness that is life, to accept that and to enjoy the journey that we're on. So I give you and leave you with permission today. Permission to live in the both/and. I hope this was encouraging to you. And that you truly take that permission, granted to yourself every single day to live in both and you don't have to live in either/or. I'll see you next time. We just take another dose of vitamin Kiva. Thanks for joining me on this journey of self growth and potential. I appreciate all of you who listen, share your wins, and give me feedback. If you want to continue the conversation. You can find me on my website as a 516 collaborative.com. Or you can reach me on LinkedIn and until next time, keep taking steps in the right direction and believe in yourself. You've got this

Meet Kiva Slade—founder and CEO of The 516 Collaborative. With a unique background spanning high-powered politics on Capitol Hill and homeschooling, Kiva found her true calling lies in guiding business owners and leaders.

Originally, her work focused on orchestrating operations and data behind the scenes. But after realizing that mindset was the missing link holding business owners back, Kiva became a coach. Now she blends data savvy with research-backed psychology to help clients transcend barriers and build the business of their dreams.